Nonye – Episode 20

Let’s go back to the very begining when I began my story and journey 

I understand it seems confusing for you but I couldn’t find a better way to start it.

And that’s why I have decided to revisit the beginning again, so you will get to understand my whole ordeal.

Let’s go back a little again 

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Today, Sunday, the Lord’s Day, I stood at the altar, leading praise and worship. I’d wanted to dodge the task, but our choir mistress had seen right through me. With no valid excuse, I accepted my fate, my mind wandered to the depression I’ve been feeling lately. The weight of my emotions became unbearable and I couldn’t resist the thought going through my mind.

“If only suicide were permitted by God, I would have found freedom by now, and since mμrder is also a cr!minal offence, I’m trapped in suffering, If God answers prayer quickly as people claim, I would have escape this miserable life. A life unappreciated shouldn’t be lived nor a life filled with bondage, grief and sorrow.”

.

“Praise the Lord, church,’ I began. ‘If you’re happy to be in God’s presence, wave your hands in appreciation”  My mind, however, was elsewhere consumed by dark thoughts of escape, mμrder, or sμ!cide. A gentle tap from a backup singer snapped me back to reality.

Frozen, I dropped the microphone and rushed to the church toilet, overwhelmed. Tears flowed freely as I whispered, ‘God, help me, the weight is too much”. A knock on the door broke the silence.

‘Nonye”, are you okay?’ Faith asked, concern etched in her voice. I hesitated, unsure how to respond.”

I washed my face and returned to church with Faith, who persisted in asking what was wrong. 

“Nonye, your face says otherwise,’ she said. I reassured her I was fine, and we entered the churche

As I scanned through the congregation what I’ve been avoiding came happening, our eyes met, and I felt an unexplainable rush of emotions. I managed to compose myself for the rest of the service. After the benediction, I sought a quick escape to avoid questions.

“Chinonye, our choir mistress called me. Aside my parents who calls me by my full name, she is the only one who calls me that way in church. Others address me as “Nonye”. according to her she believed calling the name in full makes it more meaningful and understandable, meanwhile, the name is  being interpreted “God be with me”.

 ‘Yes, ma, good afternoon,’ I replied, forcing a smile.

‘What happened this morning was unexpected. You’ve been acting strangely…are you okay?’ she asked, her concern turning stern. ‘I hope all is well’ she continued. I considered opening up but hesitated. 

” Not at all ma, just feeling feverish, ma”. I said.

“Sorry dear, hope you’ve tried taking drugs, by the way, your parents didn’t attend today’s service which is unusual of them, is everything all right? she asked

“All is well ma, they attended a family gathering,’ I explained.

“Oh! alright then, do takecare of yourself and remember who you are. OK?” she advice’s

“Yes ma”…I replied

“Trust you my dear….she said and that last part brought back my thought.

“hope I don’t get to disappoint this woman”. I turned to leave and on getting home, there I met him standing by the gate.

This was like the beginning of the end.

(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH’S HEART stories)