INSATIABLE CRAVINGS
Insatiable Cravings – Episode 60
Subtitle; {Loving You Is A Loosing Game}
TAGS: Age-gap, Mafia, Forbidden Love, Drama, Tragedy and Betrayal.
Settings: United Kingdom, Russia and others.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
~ Genevieve ~
The incessant ringing of my phone was terribly bothersome since I began my revision, and after taking a glance at the screen, I decided against answering.
It was Dexter.
I was fairly certain it was Dominic using Dex’s phone to ring me, fully aware of my friendship with him. But no, I would not answer his calls, nor would I feel any pity for him; I was resolutely punishing him for the harsh words he had hurled at me. If he thought he could exploit our friendship to manípulate me, he was in for a rather rude awakening.
I simply wouldn’t tolerate it. Not after those cutting words: ‘I can’t love anyone, especially not you.’ The memory seared through my mind like a branding iron. What on earth is wrong with me? Am I some sort of defect that he cannot possibly love? I shook my head, fury simmering within. Let him stew in his own regret.
I’m finished with Dominic’s games. That’s what I’d say if he didn’t possessed my heart, but he does, and all I can do is feel like a pathetic loser.
‘I can’t love anyone, especially not you.’
Why?!
Why not?
Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?!
Why can’t I be lovable? What’s wrong with me? Is it my sharp tongue? My stubbornness? My fear of being hurt? Ugh, Dominic, why did you have to utter those words? ‘I can’t love anyone, especially not you.’ Especially. Not. You. It echoed in my mind like a crúel mantra.
I lifted my head from my book at the sound of Julianna groaning, and when I raised an eyebrow at her, she remarked, “Genny, could you either answer or silence it? It’s rather distracting.”
Staring down at my phone for a moment, I pondered whether to actually answer. I mean, what if it wasn’t Dominic? What if it was something important? Dexter hardly ever calls me this many times since we exchanged numbers. What if Dominic is in some sort of trouble?
“Genevieve.” Jules’ voice cut through my spiralling thoughts, prompting me to look at her. “The phone. Do something about it.”
I nodded, not wanting to upset her, and picked up the phone to silence it. A sigh escaped through the small gap between my lips as I did so, and instead of placing it back on the table where it belonged, I merely… stared at it.
Has something happened? Is that why Dex hasn’t stopped calling? Or is it just Dominic?
“You’re thinking far too loudly, Genevieve. If you’re that worried, why not just answer?”
“I’m not worried,” I lied.
“You certainly look worried, though,” Sloane replied, her voice soft as always. “By the way, who is calling? Doesn’t this person know how to take a hint?”
A chuckle involuntarily escaped my lips as I continued to stare at my phone, which displayed twenty-two missed calls.
Isn’t that the biggest understatement of the century?
I expelled a deep sigh, dropped my phone, and returned to studying without uttering a word to the two girls at the table. Though I could feel their gazes on me, I refused to lift my head.
••
As I exited the classroom after the exceedingly stressful biology exam, the urge to check my phone struck me like a runaway train, overwhelming my senses.
In an effort to avoid drowning in an ocean of anxiety, I retrieved my phone from my backpack, only to find ten more missed calls and a message.
Dex: Dominic is ill.
Isn’t it remarkable how an ordinary three words can send one’s heart spiralling into a state of unruly panic?
I can’t leave school now, as I still have two or three papers left for the day, and I can’t call Dex to inquire what exactly is wrong, as it will only heighten my worries and distract me during the exam.
What can I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but wait for the end of the school day.
“Hey, what’s up?” I turned to see Liam grinning at me. I said nothing and returned my gaze to my phone. “What’s wrong? You don’t look well.”
I sighed heavily, torn between calling Dex now or waiting it out. Liam nudged me with his elbow, and when I faced him, the annoying grin remained plastered on his ridiculous face.
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, hoping it might finally signal to him that I wasn’t in the mood, I tilted my head slightly and asked, “What do you want, Liam?”
“God, I love the way you say my name,” he replied dreamily.
“Really? Do I say it like how the girls you’ve slépt with m0àn?”
“No, it’s better.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah.”
Another sigh escaped my lips, this time one of humorous disappointment. “I was being sarcastic.”
“Oh, I know,” Liam replied. “So, why the long face? Was the biology that difficult?”
I scoffed, leaning back against the wall so I could face him without blocking the path for others. “No.” I lied, and as if he could sense my dishonesty, he smirked knowingly. “What? I’m serious; it wasn’t difficult at all.”
“I believe you.”
He didn’t sound convincing.
“Seriously, I do.” He added when I gave him a pointed look. “If it isn’t the exam, then why the long face? Is something bothering you?”
Not wanting to confide in Liam, the resident playboy of Silverlake Academy, I shook my head dismissively. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m alright.”
“But…”
“But what?” I interjected. “I said I’m fine. Don’t you want me to be fine?”
A smile flickered on his lips but didn’t quite reach his eyes. Liam stepped forward, closing the gap between us in a way that didn’t feel intrusive. “You’re always fine in my eyes.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“Sarcastic?” I nodded. As I glanced up at him, Liam’s piercing green eyes locked onto mine, his gaze so intensely focused that I felt like a magnet drawing him in, his entire being seemingly spellbound and entranced. “You’re smiling. At me. I made you smile.”
“Congratulations?” I replied, unsure how to react.
He chuckled. “Did you know you have the most extraordinary shade of blue eyes?” He paused, as if waiting for a response, but didn’t give me the chance to speak. “I mean, I already knew your blue eyes were pretty, but seeing them this close, I think I underestimated just how stunning they are.”
I remained silent because I simply didn’t know what to say. This didn’t feel like a moment for a thank you, so I opted for silence. It felt like the best choice.
“You’re a gorgeous girl, Genevieve, and whoever’s got you worried must be God’s second favourite if he’s managed to capture your attention like this.”
For the first time since I’d known him, I didn’t feel like smashing his face into a wall. He’d finally said something that wasn’t annoying, something that made sense, something that brought a grin to my face.
“Who’s God’s first favourite?” I asked.
“You, of course.”
“How do you know?”
“Know what? That it’s a guy making you worry after a very not difficult exam?” He was teasing me, and surprisingly, I was actually enjoying his company. “You might not think so, but I’m quite clever.” I arched my brow, just to tease him back, and he laughed. “Alright, maybe not clever, but smart nonetheless.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
★★★★
The first thing I did after returning from school around five o’clock was undress, shower, and get dressed before rushing off to the pharmacy to pick up some medication for Dominic.
During my drive back home, I rang Dex to check on Dominic’s condition and was told he had a high fever, malaria, and a bit of a cold. I was also informed he hadn’t had a proper meal since Friday night, which I knew was due to our argument.
So, after I got the medications and some food, I drove to his house only to discover he wasn’t home but at his company. I might have let out a groan or two before getting back in my car and heading there. It was already half past seven by the time I arrived, leading me to an empty, dark workplace.
Basic instincts kicked in as soon as I stepped onto Dominic’s floor; it was pitch black. All my senses heightened as I blindly fumbled for my phone, and when I finally found it after a few minutes, I switched on the torch.
With the aid of my trusty light, I made my way towards his office to find him seated in a dimly lit space, his head buried in his palms, his hair thoroughly ruffled as if he’d run his fingers through it countless times.
It painéd me to see him like that, knowing full well I was the main reason for it and also why he hadn’t been able to concentrate at work, which led to his company’s decline of three percent.
Slowly and silently, I approached him, crouching down as I turned his swivel chair to face me. His face lifted from his palms, and his broken eyes met mine.
I let a sad smile linger on my lips before I murmured, “Hi.”
Dominic looked surprised, shocked even, that I was here. His gaze roamed across my face as if to ascertain it was really me, no words escaping his lips just yet.
I suppose it’s rather surprising that I am here after what happened between us yesterday at school, and I don’t blame him for being speechless. But at the same time, I want to hear his voice.
“You…” Just as he was about to say something, I raised my palm to feel his temperature on his forehead, surprising him once more. “W-what are you doing?”
Yep, he was definitely unwell. Dexter wasn’t lying; this wasn’t some ploy to lure me here for Dominic to apologise his way back into being ‘friends’ with me.
“I heard you were ill.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“And why would you care?” His voice was no longer soft or gentle, but rather hard and snappy.
“Because I care about you, you àrse.” I retorted, my response even louder than his.
For a moment, Dominic appeared taken aback, but as soon as he could, he let it fade away, his face unreadable for a second.
“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here right now, skipping studying and revisions even though I have an important exam tomorrow.”
His amber eyes lit up only to dim again. He looked miseràble, scattered, and I wanted nothing more than to take his misery away. And I would, even if it meant emotionally húrting myself for now, at least.
My voice low and a smile gracing my face, I asked, “Do you want a hug?” His gaze flicked from mine to my open arms and back to my eyes before his lips parted ever so slightly. I nodded as if to give him silent permission.
He wanted it. He wanted to throw his arms around my waist; I could see it in his eyes. But Dominic hesitated, almost as if he was afraid to touch me only to lose me when I was gone.
I didn’t say or do anything, simply waiting patiently for his hesitation to waver, and it did. When it did, I was ready. His hands circled around my ribcage, his head burying into the crook of my neck just as he always did. And as if he wasn’t getting enough of me, he lifted me up, making me straddle his lap, his arms snaking tightly around my waist as he breathed in and out against my neck.
He was hot.
His body temperature, I mean, was burning hot. He was in desperate need of the relief that medication would bring.
We stayed like that, unmoving for about ten minutes until I was hopeful he had gotten his fill. However, when I attempted to pull away, he held tighter onto my waist, eliciting a whimper from me.
“I’m sorry,” he immediately apologised, his voice shaky.
“It’s fine.”
“Please, please, Genevieve, don’t leave me.” Dominic sounded on the brink of tears, and I’d be the biggest liar if I said it didn’t gut my heart. “Please, please, don’t.” Because his head was buried in the crook of my neck, I instantly knew and felt his tears dropping onto me.
It was then it became even clearer. I meant something to him, that I was an important part of his life. No matter how hard he denied it, he did love me. Because once again, the head of the Russian bràtva was crying because of me and on me.
I think that makes me rather unique than I initially thought, don’t you agree?
TBC
