FLUCTUATING HOPE
Fluctuating Hope – Episode 17
Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing
With the money my father sent for me, I paid my academic fees for the current semester and restocked my apartment with food items. I felt alive again!
Above all, I was super happy that my father has developed a different ideology about female education. At least now the burden will be easier for me and my mother.
I felt relieved and whatever guilt I felt for trying to disobey him by crossing social boundaries were all gone.
And although I knew that with each academic level I pass the dues/expenses grew higher, hence it was going to be tough being without the financial support of the Nyeyes but I was willing to give it a trial for my peace of mind.
There’s no way I will be coerce into marrying an irresponsible young man who has no respect or love for me simply because of Aunty Cynthia’s selfish interest.
Neither will I be lured into accepting Mr Bernard’s tempting yet dangerous offer of being his side chick, I am not and will never be a doormat. I have great dreams and achieve them I will.
even though Aunty Cynthia is self-centered by doing what she intended doing to me, I can’t get myself to betray her trust by sleeping with her husband, no woman deserves such anyways
And deep down I’ve forgiven her, I bear no grudges against her so I will choose my peace of mind by forgetting about whatever help they offered me.
With this decided, I went about my life daily and gradually I bounced back academically.
It is within this period I met Ray, initially I had no plans of getting into a relationship until after obtaining a university degree but meeting Ray changed all that.
Ray was a final year student who was awaiting his NYSC service letter which wasn’t forthcoming as he expected.
We met through a male acquaintance and clicked immediately because of the similar interests we shared
He asked for friendship which I granted and as we got to know each other better, I begun to gradually fall in love with him
With time he asked me for a relationship and although I was already in love with him, I still knew I needed to use my head first before my emotions
so I set the necessary boundaries by I telling him of my desire for a no sex relationship which surprisingly he agreed to it although from his facial expression I noticed he wasn’t so pleased
Ray grudgingly agreed to my terms and claimed he wanted a long term relationship that would someday lead to marriage so séx didn’t really matter anyways
I was happy I met a man whom I felt loved me truly and shared the same interests and desires
Our relationship begun beautifully and I felt so in love with him that I went to see him on a daily basis at the far distance he stayed, without an actual reciprocation from him yet I was not bothered.
In a space of one week I observed a few red flags I wasn’t so comfortable with, I was also having scary dreams more like God was trying to warn me of a future calamity.
I took it to God in prayer and in a few days, it begun to make sense when Ray started showing dangerous traits and making sinful requests of me; he requested to bath with me, spents nights with him, romance, cuddle and at one point he told he will love to have séx with me.
I overlooked all this and had politely turned down his requests but each time I visited his apartment, Ray was always touching me inappropriately and trying to convince me into giving in to his séxúal desires.
The last visit to his apartment left me in shock and made me understand the loopholes my dreams were trying to warn me of.
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I woke up that Sunday morning after having another nightmare, his call came on my phone to ask me what time I intended visiting as promised
I told him by noon and at the fixed time; I dressed up, said a short prayer and left to see my boyfriend Ray after calling on phone to inform him that I was on my way to his apartment
Getting to his place, I met him sitted on his bed with a towel round his waist smiling at me
” You like what you see my love?.. oh my baby, I have missed you so much” Ray said getting up to meet me at the door and he kissed me on my cheeks which he usually does whenever we met
” On the contrary, I don’t like what I am seeing babe.. I guess you were bathing but it’s inappropriate to still be on a towel when you actually knew I was on my way here” I said with displeasure as I walked over to the bed and sat on it
” Common Debby.. this is my bedroom and you are my girlfriend so it’s not a big deal if I had chosen to stay nåked.. so loosen up babe” Ray said as he came and sat down beside me with his hands on my thighs
” Please dress up Ray.. you are making me feel uncomfortable seeing you sitting half nåked beside me” I told Ray truthfully hoping he will do as I pleaded but his next words surprised me
” Debby I am not happy with you.. and do you want to know why”
” I am not a magician Ray so how am I supposed to know why you aren’t happy with me”
“Okay let me tell you Debby..”
” ..my love I still don’t understand why you are keeping your body away from me as your boyfriend.. what is the point of this virginity thing when I will still be the one to marry you or don’t you want to marry me?” Raymond asked moving his hands up my thighs to my brëast region and I shook his hands away in disgust
” stop this Ray.. what has gotten into you?.. if you are serious about marrying me then you won’t have a problem waiting till marriage except you have a second agenda” I said slowly and Ray bursted out laughing hysterically that I begun wondering what was funny in what I just said
” You are too rigid Debby.. sometimes I wonder who will marry you like this.. I am a man and I tell you for free that we love naughty girls.. so loosen up let me teach and groom you into the kind of girl I will want as my wife in future” Ray quipped trying to get his hands into the cloth I wore but I shifted away from his reach
This act of Ray brought back memories of my near rape encounter with Mr Bernard
I am still in shock and wondered if this is the same sweet Ray who told me he was okay with my desire for a no sex relationship
So he was merely pretending? I guess he probably felt that with time I would change my mind and allow him access to my body when I fall in love with him
Thank God I decided to use my head first before my emotions
” Ray what do you mean by me loosening up to be taught and groomed by you.. what do you want to teach me?” I probed even though I understood perfectly what he meant
I just wanted to be sure I heard him correctly and wasn’t misunderstanding things
” Okay let me break it down to your understanding.. I have fantasies of súcking you, lícking every inch of your body.. watching you touch and ride me and..” Ray explained and I cut him short when I was tired of listening to his disgusting fantasies
The love I thought I felt for him automatically disappeared when I saw his true self unveiling and intentions towards me became clear
” Ray you dísgust me, just a month of being in a relationship with you yet listen to what you are saying to me.. if you were not okay with a no séx relationship then you would have simply said so instead of all this.. and so you know, I am not a marriage desperado” I said angrily getting up from the bed and walking to the door
” Common Debby lets make my fantasies a reality already… Stop being difficult for me” Ray said and tried pulling me back to the bed with his hands
I turned down his request by pushing his hands away and ran out of his apartment which eventually led to our breakup on that Sunday night.
(Do not Plagiarize or take credit)
