FLUCTUATING HOPE
Fluctuating Hope – Episode 11
Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing
Things were going smoothly for me in school, my life took the turn for the better even more than I envisaged.
Meanwhile, before leaving Mr Bernard’s office that day, he had given me his phone number in case of unplanned expenses arising in school and I innocently took it happy that I now have a father figure in my life who cares so much about my welfare.
In school, he calls occasionally to check up on me as well as to inquire about my well-being and academic progress.
Not to talk of the surprise cash alerts, fatherly advises, and prayers he gives me each time we were talking on phone. Oh! this made me look forward to his phone calls which actually came once in a blue moon.
I felt loved and cared for as Mr Bernard ensured that I lacked nothing physically, materially, and academically.
This same me who couldn’t dream of coming back to school but within a space of three months had rented a moderately furnished self contained apartment, brought a laptop, enough foodstuffs in the kitchen, complete textbooks, enroll for technological classes and lots more.
There are times I still can not believe that this is reality. I remember those times I was lost in an hopeless land not knowing the way out
Those times I lived more in my fantasies and cried myself to sleep on various nights.
Those times my hopes kept fluctuating with no balanced straight road to thread on.
Many would have wondered why I hadn’t gotten a work to do at that point in my life, but what many may not have known is that aside the jobs scarcity in the country, there were two major reasons;
The first reason was the fact that I wasn’t emotionally ready to work.
I mean for two good years, I got accustomed to being termed an undergraduate and then being faced with a circumstance of suspending studies after all the hardwork, sacrifices and stress it took me to get that far.
To make matters worst, my friends and coursemates in school were calling to inquire why I hadn’t yet resumed which makes made me feel worst about myself.
Some genuinely cared whilst some pretended to care so as to get stories to talk and laugh about.
So telling them the truth wasn’t an option because there were people who easily make fond of people’s situation and circumstances, that’s why I had to come up with different excuses and when I ran out of them, I had to constantly switch off my phone to ward off calls.
All this was to avoid being the talk of the department and a source of pity talks for gossips who deprived joy in seeing others in pain.
Believe me it is not easy dealing with the depressing thoughts of knowing that you have to quit your University education after seeing the four walls of a University, socializing with different races of people, getting exposure to new things, making new friends, having more male attention and most importantly the respect/accolades accosted to being in the University.
I also knew how it felt bearing in mind that after suspension of studies if I ever do resume back, my course mates would have gone a year ahead of me but that didn’t matter to me then because at that point in time I just wanted to complete my studies no matter how long it took.
But then the worst is when I didn’t even know if I was ever resuming back to complete studies; there was no hope in sight and finance was posing a huge challenge for me.
Frankly, the billions of people in the university especially for some departments whose academic fees were higher than mine got me wondering why my own case was different.
It was saddening bearing the constant reminder that all my efforts and my mother’s comprises would have gone in vain, thereby giving my father the joy that he won at the end.
I begun nursing suicidal thoughts and I had even contemplated taking Nisi’s advise to sell my body for money, since that was the trending/lucrative jobs on campus and no doubt I am very beautiful with curves that turns men’s heads wherever I go.
But that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted for myself, I give respect and love being respected too. That’s why I wasn’t willing to sacrifice all that on the altar of education.
The second reason I couldn’t work to earn money to at least get my mind out of my school issues was because; my father was so against it, he said it was better for me to learn tailoring which will position me well for a husband to seek me out.
I wasn’t lâzy so I wasn’t in any way against learning tailoring but I knew that the funds for it wasn’t available either so I would have still waited at home for a longer while, I guess that was why depression and sadness had eaten deep into me
Good thing an angel came in the form of Aunty Cynthia and her husband to give me a new hope and wipe away my tears but I don’t know why I still feel restless over Mr Bernard’s looks
All the same, I will leave everything to God and instead enjoy the good life he has bestowed on me again.
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I have two friends in school who has always stood by me even though I had nothing to offer at that point in time.
We got more closer when I resumed back and within the next months that followed we became more like blood sisters.
One goes by the name Mary and the second goes by the name Vicky. Their personalities are cool with me and I have never regretted knowing them.
As for my relationship life, it was boring because aside the fact that I wanted to remain focus on my goals without distractions, the next reason is that the male folks I came across were not worth a trial.
That’s why I turned down men advances because with their actions and words, it was glaringly obvious that the were only after my body not the ‘love’ word that majority use as a cover up to achieve their aim.
I faced my education whilst enjoying my single life although undeniably I felt lonely most of the time especially when my two friends were sharing their relationship tales with me, but I decided not to let that get to me instead I intensified my studies.
The semester’s examination soon begun in earnest and I studied vigorously so as to make myself, my mother and my sponsors proud at the end.
It is during this examination period that I got a call from Mr Bernard informing me that he was coming to my school to check up on me by weekend.
According to him, he wanted to see me physically since it has been a while and to be directly filled in on all my progresses in school beyond the phone conversations we do have.
Before now I had already begun viewing, loving, and respecting him as a daughter would a second father.
And inasmuch as I was anxious, I was still elated because I knew that as my godfather, he would surely bring lots of goodies for me when he comes visiting me.
So in preparation for his visit, I plaited my unmade hair to look more presentable whilst looking forward to filing Mr Bernard in on all the school happenings and my academic progresses.
(Do Plagiarize this story)
