A loud knock woke Alex and I up from our peaceful sleep. I was the one who had woken up first upon hearing the knock.
I checked the time on the wall clock and saw that it was still early hours of dawn; exactly 6:17am. This got me scared as I was wondering who it was and why so early.
I thought of going over to check who it was but fear wouldn't let me. When the knock became persistent, I had to gently tap on Alex to wake up and thankfully he did.
"Hunnie, have you heard that....? someone is knocking at our door right now. Nobody knows us here so who could it be and why this early....?" I asked frantically with my frightened eyes fixed on Alex.
"Someone is knocking at the door....? Oh, I can hear it now. Babe, have you checked to know who it is and what the problem is....?" Alex asked as a reply to my question.
"No hunnie, I haven't. I'm scared to even move my legs to that door. I mean who comes to the house of a newly wedded couple so early in the morning....? Or do you think it is our neighbors who came to greet and check on the new house occupants....?"
"My love, I don't think it is any neighbors whatsoever. You know it is not even possible for it to be neighbors nau" Alex said flippantly and then he yawned lightly.
I became so uncomfortable when Alex said that to me. Meanwhile, the knock on the door still persisted and didn't stop.
"Wait! You think it isn't neighbors....? Jesus! Babe do you think it could be someone dangerous and wouldn't it be best we call the police for precautionary measures....?" I said with a hushed voice and face that showed that I was seriously frightened.
"....ah! what if there is even more than one person at the door sef, my God ohhhh!" I spoke out again whilst still fidgeting in fear.
Alex was just staring at me weirdly and didn't reply to me which is quite unusual.
When I couldn't bear the silence and weird stares anymore, I had to ask him calmly..
"Hunnie, why are you staring at me like this....? I am worried about our safety and that's why I am feeling this agitated but you are so quiet as though it doesn't bother you"
"Babe, you're behaving like someone who's traumatized....that's why I am staring at you. I am also wondering if you are forgetting that we are logged into a hotel-room and not in our personal house as you've made it seem!" Alex said dismissively.
Alex's statement made me bite my tongue in utmost embarrassment as I realized that he is right about everything he said. We are currently in Dubai and not in Alex's house in Nigeria.
Also, Alex had booked an entire suite in a hotel for our honeymoon so it is not possible for anyone who knows us personally to come and check on us here.
Since we are logged into a hotel, it could either be the room services or maybe a caretaker but certainly not neighbors.
Another thing is that this hotel has very tight securities so someone dangerous breaking in will be very very hard.
Plus it has sophisticated technologies like password locks and a danger alarm so if truly there was a problem, we would have been alerted via an alarm not a door knock.
You want to know another funny thing....?
It is the fact that there is no possibility of someone coming to knock on our bedroom's door without the person first gaining entrance though the living room.
We locked the living room last night before going to sleep so this means that the person knocking is certainly someone we know and had given access to enter the house.
Chai! no wonder Alex didn't respond to my questions and is still looking at me weirdly.
Who knows....? Maybe he is probably thinking that his new wife has gone mad!
To conceal my embarrassment, the dramatic woman side of me decided to feign being angry and act offended with Alex for saying that I behaved like a traumatized person. I just wanted to hear him say sorry to me, pet me and then try to appease me as his baby.
I want it to look believable so I intentionally frowned my face and pouted my mouth.
When Alex tried to stand up and check on who was knocking, I told him not to worry that I will be the one to do it.
I sighed deeply as I covered myself with one of the bedsheets and stood up from the bed.
The moment my legs touched the floor, I staggered as I felt an intense burning ache coming from my private part and my abdomen region.
It seemed more like all the first time pain I didn't really experience last night came at me in its full dosage this morning.
Geez! I was feeling so sore in such a way that when I tried standing upright to walk, it was very very difficult for me to.
"Ah!" I winced inaudibly as I bent over and placed my right hand on my hurting abdomen.
I didn't want to get Alex worried so I tucked in my lips to stop myself from shouting or wincing aloud but the pain I felt intensified.
"Mmmmm...." I winced again and this time, it was audibly enough to be heard by Alex.
Out of concern, Alex immediately told me not to worry myself and stay back in bed. He further said I should rest and not to stress myself, that he will get the door.
Despite the pain I felt, I stubbornly refused Alex's help by shaking my head and childishly telling him that he should leave me alone, that I will handle it.
I was simply doing shakara and forming tough girl hoping that Alex would further insist so I will grudgingly accept his help but unfortunately for me, he didn't talk again.
I suppose Alex noticed my feigned sour mood and so he decided not to insist further since it is what I wanted. That is how my stubborn and dramatic self carried its cross.
Sincerely speaking, it wasn't an easy task but somehow I managed to limp to the door so I can check who is knocking. I am sure it is either going to be the cleaner or the cook.
It is only the two of them we had trusted enough to tell the password of our suite and it is mainly due to the peculiarity of their jobs.
I finally reached the door and I inquired to know who was at the door for formality sake. Then I unlocked the door after getting a reply from the person at the other end.
The person that has been knocking turned out to be the cook who had been put in-charge of cooking our daily meals.
Well it's now very obvious, that I was wrong about my other assumption. It is not the trouble I had earlier assumed was brewing.
The cook who is a middle-aged woman was confused about an instruction I gave her yesterday and so she came to get clarity.
I made her understand all she came to get clarification on and thereafter she left to continue with her duties in the kitchen.
As for me, I limped back to join an opened eye Alex on the bed.
Everything felt awkward and for more than fifteen minutes, the room was dead silent without Alex and I saying a word to each other.
At some point, I even thought he fell asleep because his eyes were now shut close.
I didn't want to wake Alex up from his sleep so I carefully adjusted on my side of the bed without making much noise or touching him.
It was when Alex sharply used his left hand to stop me from turning my back to him. Then he gently pulled me closer to himself for a skin-to-skin cuddle that I realized he wasn't sleeping afterall.
I was now lying on Alex's broad chest. He still kept his eyes tightly closed without saying anything to break the silence.
I am guessing he just wants us to enjoy the quiet atmosphere and use it to listen to our hearts continuously beating for each other.
I utilized our moment of silence to reflect on what happened a few minutes ago regarding that knock on the door and what my mind had insensibly presumed it to be.
Hmmmm.
If I am to be truthful to myself, I think Alex had a point in his assumption earlier.
I have mostly lived in denial while I was always using the 'I am a strong girl' line to cover up.
Inasmuch as it may not really seem like a big deal today, I am very sure that it will likely sprout in my future if I don't start confronting my past and subsequently heal.
I sighed as I admitted to myself that Alex was a hundred percent correct when he said I behaved traumatized and truly I am.
I have lived the majority of my life in perpetual wahala. And from all indications, it seems like those series of problems have conditioned me to be easily frightened and subconsciously ready for ill occurrences.
I'm always feeling nervous and I overthink the worst in every situation that arises. Oftentimes, it also makes me feel like bad luck keeps on following me everywhere that I go and hurts the people who help me.
O yes! my unpleasant past experiences have traumatized me so much and I believe that was the root cause of my anxiety earlier.
Not just that alone; I am always quickly ready to sort out for safety measures to save myself from trouble even when it is not necessary.
I suppose these are the default unhealthy coping mechanisms which I had developed over the years and felt it was normal, but I want to be sincere with myself right now.
First of all, the emotional triggers and extreme anxiousness are actually trauma responses. Secondly, My version of being 'strong' when not necessary is unhealthy and I need a thorough mind cleansing.
Sadly, Alex does not know this because I am yet to tell him about my past struggles. I haven't even told him that I once left the shores of Nigeria and found myself in Canada, then I later ended up deported.
There are still many things he is yet to know about what I've gone through in my life which is currently messing with my head.
My way of overthinking things is distorted and my mind needs healing, just that I didn't bother paying much attention to it.
Well to be sincere, before today, I wasn't willing nor did I care about accepting the truth that was staring right at my face.
But not anymore! especially now that Alex has started noticing my shortcomings and he even voiced it out as an observation.
I think it is about time I work towards healing, that way, I wouldn't get to unconsciously bruise the ones that I love.
Also, I concluded in my mind that I am going to seek psychological help as soon as possible.
I am still in my honeymoon phase here in Dubai so I will wait until after we get back to Nigeria, then I will fix an appointment with a professional therapist immediately.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Alex say audibly as he gently opened his eyes.
"I think I actually forgot to tell you that your morning face is the most beautiful I have seen in my entire life and that your lips are looking so irresistible" Alex said and sat up on the bed which made me roll off his chest.
I was surprised to see Alex gesticulate with his hands for me to sit up straight on the bed and sit in a way that directly faces him.
When I did as he instructed, Alex pulled himself closer to me. Without warning, he kissed my forehead and afterwards my lips.
Then he sat back and stared at my face as though I was the most beautiful woman on earth. He spoke again and I could feel the genuineness of each of the words he spoke.
"....thank you very much for last night. I feel like the luckiest man in the world to be your husband. You are so beautiful and by simply looking at you....I want to make love to you all over again right here and now....but don't worry, I won't. I am aware that you are still feeling the pain from what we did last night, so my love I will let you rest for now"
Gosh! I felt so shy when I heard Alex say that to me. My cheeks flustered in giddiness and I could barely meet his piercing eyes.
"Okay hunnie....thank you very much for your consideration towards me. I also want to thank you for being gentle with me last night even though I gave you a hard time. I hope to do better in our next time" I said all of these things one word at a time using a tiny voice and it got Alex laughing out loud.
Alex stopped laughing but he didn't say anything again. Instead, he lifted the bedsheets covering the lower parts of his body and gently stood up from the bed.
My eyes saw his naked body from his face down to his chest region and I swallowed the saliva in my throat in amazement.
Honestly eh, compared to last night that shyness wanted to finish me, right now is actually the first time I am taking time to look at my husband's bare body very well.
My mind drifted into a world of fantasy as I accessed his well structured body features.
It made me appreciate God the more for giving me a man that is my spec in essentially everything; his looks, physique, words, actions, and even in terms of wealth.
Ah! I had to look away when my eyes mistakenly saw his private region.
Should I be honest....? What I saw is quite huge and gets me wondering how that kind of a thing managed to fit into me yesterday.
It's funny how throughout our love making session last night, I was too nervous to touch it with my hands no matter how much I wanted to.
Anyways, I'm hoping to touch it tonight and probably be the first to initiate something with Alex. I hope my wish will be granted on the boldness and naughtiness that I need.
Some minutes have passed, so I thought that Alex had long gotten into the bathroom.
That's why I had confidently taken my eyes away from the side wall I was looking at. I turned the other way only to find myself in another embarrassing situation.
I had to cover my eyes with my palms when my gaze directly landed at where I was trying to turn away from earlier.
Gosh! I didn't know that Alex had seen me a few minutes ago when I saw him and then shyly turned my face to look at the wall.
I also didn't know that out of curiosity, Alex had stopped midway on his way to the bathroom to stare at me but embarrassingly, I was too lost in my fantasies to notice.
When Alex was tired of smilingly staring at me without saying anything, he shook his head in amusement. Then I heard him chuckle lightly before he began talking.
"Don't worry babe....with time you would become more comfortable with seeing me without clothes. I suppose that is when you will finally get over this your shyness...."
He continued talking when he saw that I made no attempt to reply to him or uncover my eyes.
"....babe please open your eyes already nau, so I wouldn't feel like some villain. I stayed back because I wanted to ask you to join me for a bath but seeing how you are behaving now....I don't think you are ready for that yet. I wouldn't want to put you under undue pressure except of course you want to do it"
I finally uncovered my eyes but I made sure to keep my head bent looking at my palms.
To answer Alex's question, I shook my head vigorously indicating a 'no' because I know that something will definitely happen if we bathe together.
"No hunnie. My body is not ready for us to do anything right now which is likely to happen if we bath together. I want to get over my ache first" I said fidgeting with my fingers.
Alex nodded his head in understanding before telling me with a soothing voice.
"It's okay babe....I understand you and like I said earlier you are not under any pressure"
"Thank you very much hunnie" I said and was feeling genuinely grateful to God that I married a gentle and understanding man.
"....oh my! it is almost 8am. I believe my beautiful wife must be feeling famished. Am I right...?" Alex asked while smiling at me.
"Yes hunnie, I feel so famished....!" I said feigning a yawn and Alex chuckled as he said sweetly.
"Awww...I thought as much. I am coming okay....just give me like ten to fifteen minutes, let me take my bath first. Then you can take a bath too so we will go downstairs and eat whatever you desire for breakfast"
Almost immediately, I heard footsteps that seemed as though someone was moving away and I didn't need to be told that it was Alex walking to the bathroom.
I looked up and my face broke into smiles. I remembered Alex's last sweet words and it got me grinning in extreme happiness.
Then I became emotional as I realized that my life has really been such a rollercoaster filled with unplanned battles and struggles.
I used to live each day without expectations or knowing what was coming next because it was always from one trouble to the other.
For the first time in years, I think I am finally going to experience what genuine peace of mind feels like.
Me meeting Alex is one of the quickest as well as the best thing that has happened to me. God! This man treats me so special and makes me feel like the luckiest girl on earth.
I am now wondering if all this marital sweetness and love is what I would have missed if I didn't come back to Nigeria....?
Hmmmmm.
I think it is beginning to become clearer as to why the Lord perfected my steps and led me out of Canada against my wish. It didn't make sense to me before but now it does.
I have also seen that the reason HE made all the high paying jobs I applied for to reject my offer to work for them is so that;
I will be left with no choice but to work for madam Ify who didn't pay me much but she treated me like family.
God was intentional about me meeting my husband at madam Ify's shop and that's why HE orchestrated my footsteps there.
I also appreciate God for connecting the dots by leading my husband to me and for giving him the conviction that I am his wife.
Ah! God perfected everything so well and today look at me; I am married to one of Nigeria's top business entrepreneurs.
My only prayer point now is that God should heal Mrs Sharon and make us meet each other again, that way, my peace of mind and happiness will be complete.
The cleaner's sharp cry for help from outside the bedroom door cut into my thoughts.
I silenced my thoughts and listened attentively to know what the shout was about only to hear him continually shout
"Fire oh! Madam....there's fire! Please come and help oh...I don't know what happened! Jesus! Jesus! Fire ooooooooooooooooooo!"
As I heard the alarm ring from the sitting room, I was alarmed immediately!
Oh my goodness!
'Jesus Christ, not again! Affliction shall not rise a second time. What's happening this time....? Can't I just have peace for once in this life!' I kept frantically muttering these words under my breath.
After getting myself prepared for the worst as I usually do, I stood up from the bed with the bedsheet firmly wrapped around my body.
I inhaled and exhaled deeply whilst I was praying in my heart that this situation will be what I can handle, at least pending when Alex comes out from the bathroom.
(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH'S HEART stories)
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