THE K1LLER'S KNIFE
The K1ller's Knife - Episode 32
I was sitting on the bed with my eyes fixated on the printed sheet of paper that I dropped on the table earlier.
It is a print out from the UTME portal and it is boldly written there that I Jacob Jamie have been offered admission into the medical school I applied for.
To be sincere, I didn't know how to take the news. I just couldn't comprehend my feelings, if I was feeling happy or sad about the news of my admission. Normally it's supposed to be good news but with the situation of things at the moment, I don't feel too happy about it
I was thinking in my mind. 'Who is going to take care of my education now when someone who is ought to be my sponsor is very angry with me and doesn't want to have anything with me...?'
So this is how my life and family is going to crumble before my very eyes...? I thought inwardly wallowing in self-pity
I sighed heavily as I recalled that fateful day when mother disowned me and cut off all ties with me upon discovering the truth behind father's dëâth
It's already been three days and yet my life has not been the same again.
My emotions were in turmoil each time I reminisce on mother's words and how she sent me out into the streets without allowing me take any of my belongings.
She ordered me out of the house empty handed. She careless if I ended up déåd or alive.
That isn't her problem anymore since I'm no longer her son.
All my tears and pleas for her forgiveness fell on deaf ears. When I saw that her mind was made up on her decision, I had no choice but to go away.
I didn't know where to go from there and was walking the street in circles since I had nowhere to go. Our home is where I've known for all my life and so I knew no one I could run to for help.
It was almost nightfall when doctor Stanley's name clicked in my head. I was reluctant at first because he is a stranger but then he was my only hope or else I would be living on the streets
I went to see him at his office and explained to him in tears that mother sent me packing out of the house and asked me not to come back again.
As expected, he asked me what happened to warrant such treatment from mother but I couldn't tell him the truth out of fear of how he will react
How would I have even begun telling him that I k!lled my father and when my mother found out, she got angry and sent me out into streets...? I couldn't tell him that.
If mother the second party who is family couldn't handle the truth, would it now be a non family member...? I doubt that!
Just thinking about it is despicable. How much more telling it to a third party...?
If mother could react that way then I'm very sure doctor Stanley wouldn't be any different. He might even turn out to be worse. Probably he will judge me hårshly, view me in a bad light, and afterwards call the police on me or better still push me away as mother did
Since I couldn't tell him the truth, I simply l¡ed that it was a major calculation mistake I made in the shop. I told him that the miscalculation made mother lose a huge sum of our business money, which is making her upset with me and so she sent me out of the house
Doctor Stanley believed me and opted to follow me down to the house so that he can beg mother on my behalf.
I was elated and hoped deep down in my heart that a third party would be able to soften mother's heart and make her forgive me but I was wrong.
Mother bluntly told doctor Stanley that she is never going to forgive me for what I did. She went further to say that she doesn't want to see both of us in her life again and after that statement, she ângrily slammed the door at our faces.
The thing is that she was too ângry and didn't even waste time with doctor Stanley and I, thereby she didn't mention what I did because she probably thought I told Stanley the truth.
When mother asked him if I actually told him what I did and doctor said that I have already explained it all to him and that I'm deeply sorry.
Mother thinking I told Stanley the main thing I did, warned us off before shutting the door to our face.
It was late at night already and doctor Stanley couldn't watch me sleep outside. So he took me to his house and after explaining things to his wife Mrs Vivian, I was allowed to stay for the meantime.
I was given the visitors room and the following day Mrs Vivian purchased some new clothes for me. I must admit that doctor Stanley's wife is a really nice woman and has made my staying here very comfortable since the day I came
It's the third day since I came here. And no matter how many times I sleep and wake up everyday, it never changes the reality that what happened with mother at our house wasn't a dream after all.
It's my fault that things ended up like this in the first place anyways. Maybe if I was more tolerant and forgiving of father then things would have turned out differently for me. I guess I need to start accepting and learning to live with the consequences of my actions.
I hissed loud and removed my gaze from the table. I adjusted and laid comfortably well on the bed. I forcefully shut my eyes to try sleeping but it seemed as though sleep was far from me
I have insomnia and haven't been able to sleep well for days now. It's been so tough for me as my thoughts were tormenting me every single day
My emotions weren't even stable either. There was this yearning and longing in my heart mixed with an emotional ache that just wouldn't go away. It remained stuck there and was tráμmatizing me
I miss mother and my sisters so much and I yearn for their presence in my life as before. It hürts so much to know that I might never be able to connect with them again because of my ill deeds
After trying over and over again to sleep but I couldn't, I decided to give up. I opened my eyes and was continually staring at the ceiling with my mind wandering into different directions
I kept wondering if mother would ever find a place in her heart to forgive me...?
If she doesn't, am I always going to live my life without a mother's warmth and support combined with the güÃlt....?
What would then become of my education and dreams of becoming a medical doctor...?
Does this mean I will never get to see Angie and Erica again...? Has mother already told them what I did to our father and made them håte me too...?
I also wondered what would become of me if doctor Stanley and his wife decides to send me into the streets as a stranger that I am to them
I have so many worries, so much anxiety, so many mind questions but yet no answers to any of them
It was a soft tap on my arm that took me out of my reverie. I jerked in anxiety but when I saw that it was doctor Stanley who tapped me, I relaxed.
" Good morning doctor Stanley" I greeted slowly sitting up on the bed
" Good morning Jacob. How are you doing today...? I'm sorry I scared you and entered without getting your permission. I have been knocking for long and when I got no response I became very worried and had to open the door" doctor Stanley explained and sat down beside me on the bed
" It's okay doctor Stanley. I'm sorry for not hearing you, my head was far away. As for your question....I'm doing fine doctor. Thank you" I said smiling sadly
" I'm glad to know you are doing fine. But honestly it isn't unusual to always see you lost in thoughts...it is beginning to bother me a lot though. Jacob what is really going on in that young head of yours..?" Doctor Stanley asked me and when I wasn't responding he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder
"...you can talk to me about anything Jacob. I feel like you are burdened by something that you aren't letting out. Please tell me about it so that I will know how to help you" Doctor Stanley said whilst smiling warmly in a way that was urging me to talk to him
His offer is already tempting since I truly needed someone to unburden my wrongs and worries to. But I am feeling scared for my safety and well-being as I can't tell what his reaction would be.
I just continued looking at doctor Stanley without uttering a word of response. Inwardly, I was weighing my options and trying to make a decision
I was wondering if it is going to be a good idea to tell him the truth or if it was better that I just keep it to myself to avoid stories that touch the heart.
(Do not take credit or Plagiarize AMAH'S HEART stories)
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