TAMAR
Tamar-Episode 12
©Amah's Heart
I felt serious head ach the following morning so I didn’t get up on time, as I sleep into the mid afternoon, Eura took up for me and when she told me that Zity asked of me and she told her I wasn’t feeling too well, she didn’t say much word, she just told Eura to tell me to take my time and rest well, after five days I felt a bit better to continue my work and when I reported to Zity that morning
“my lady, how are you this morning, my apologies for not being able to attend to you for the past few days, I was a bit down and I guess I needed to rest for some days for me to be active again and I’m alright now to work for you, how have you being?
“I thought you were angry with me for not wanting the baby and asking you to go dispose him, I thought you were angry…and avoiding me…
“I can’t avoid you my lady, I was called to serve and I will always be at your service, it doesn’t really matter if I’m angry or not, my feelings doesn’t count because only a slave and I’m here to help you…
“you know I never wanted the baby, and I could have aborted him even before anybody finds out but Okra delayed it and I have to bore him, the pain of carrying him and giving birth to him is just too much Tamar, he has already disfigured and disorganised my life even before he was born, I have gone through enough trouble already in bringing him fort, it wasn’t Okra that convinced me, don’t hate her she only want what is best for me, I didn’t want the baby too, I don’t, after Okra told me of what she did to hers, that she mistakenly bore, and how she disposed them, that was enough encouragement for me to throw away mine, and nobody’s opinion count, it was my body, so I can chose to do whatever I want with it, father and mother made a decision for me to marry Adolfo, which will be the last time I will listen to them, because I’m not happy in this so called marriage, no matter how I pretend I can’t love Adolfo, I can’t Tamar, neither do I want to have any child for him, well it was unfortunate I carried the baby and gave birth to him but I can’t just look at his face, Okra said it was better not to look at the baby’s face so that I won’t remember what he looks like or feel pity, or even allow the memory to torment me, I needed to do what I have to do, my happiness is my priority Tamar, I don’t want it to seem like I’m not doing my wife duties to Adolfo, please keep going to keep him busy so that Adolfo won’t even think of me, or come to disturb me in my chamber, I don’t want him I still want Chakan and is so painful whenever I think of him being with another woman, or with Zain, she has being avoiding me which probably means she has being seeing Chakan, I hate Zain, she’s such a bad friend, I hate Chakan for turning his back on me when I needed him and mostly I hate Adolfo for keeping me here, I don’t want to be his wife, I have never wanted to, and I feel even worst now, because…I know he is a good man and he deserve somebody that will love him but not me because I can’t love him Tamar, I can’t.
“my lady, you didn’t even ask where the baby was buried, is that how much you hate him or hate Adolfo…
“I don’t want to know Tamar, I don’t care wherever he is buried, and I will never ask…it is better that way, stop reminding me of what I’m trying to forget, stop telling me about the baby I don’t want to hear of it any more, do you understand
“yes my lady, I learnt that your father is ill, that was why your mother couldn’t come down, will you go and see him…
“I’m suppose to be mourning for my lost baby, if I go there now looking all cheerful they will have reason to ask questions of how the baby died and I don’t want anybody reminding me of that, is in my past now, I’m more glad that mother did not come, even if she has come down I wouldn’t have even allowed her know of my plans, or be there during delivery and she will have no choice than to respect that, I can’t go home now, I will pray to the gods from here to heal father, I suppose to act like I’m mourning for my late child, I can’t be seen moving around, Vim came to check up on me three days ago, he also asked of you and I told him that you are on a bed rest because the death of the baby has being tough on everyone, do you want to go home, because I don’t like the way you act around me now, making me feel guilty with your presence, and reminding me of my deeds, which I don’t have regret for, my only regret is conceiving him and not aborting him at the early stage, if you want to go home to mother and father, is fine by me, please go, I know you miss Abel, strange Abel, if I give you your freedom someday will you marry him, because I know you are fond of him, you are always seen around him, and looks upon him like he is a god, you love him right and you want to marry him…tell me
“Abel is a good man with a good heart, but he is not ready for marriage…
“you are trying to escape from the question of “if you love him”, we all know that he is a strange person and has never looked upon any woman for pleasure, even after father freed him, asking him to go and start his own family, he refused to go, everyone thinks he is a Christian practicing celibacy, but father always defends him, I don’t have any issue with what anybody practice, but Okra doesn’t like Christians, she said that the Christians act like they knows it all, and she hates that religion, she thinks you are a Christian or you practice Judaism because she has not seen you bow to any god before, or act like the maiden of the land, like Obia kind of worship or the tivi girls, she said she has seen you at the garden bowing your head and praying, you pray strangely she is not sure of the god you pray to but she thinks you are a Christian, I assured her that you are not, I have being with you for over five years now and I have never seen you pray or calling your God name out of sudden, I may not really know the god you worship but I assured Okra that you are not a Christian, Okra has big friends in high places who also hates Christian with passion and they are ready to send anyone they catch to the circuit animal, so you got to be careful with your Way of worship so it won’t be mistaken, will you like to go home, I need you to, so that you will keep mother away from coming down and have opportunity to see Abel, I will miss but is best that you go, I will send for you when I need you, but before you go I need you to take something to Okra in her house, is a gold jewel and a bracelet she saw it in my closet and wanted it, so I have decided to give it to her after she helped me. Take it to her because she said she will be traveling today and may not stop by…
I pick up the pouch that contains the gift for Okra and left to her place, when I got there, I was told she has already left on her journey but the merchant was inside, I wanted to see the merchant again, so I was ushered to where he sat in his upper house looking at nothing in particular
“My kind greetings to you my lord,
“How may I be of help to you young lady, I was told you wanted to see me
“i was sent to your wife, but in her absence I decided to say my greetings to you before leaving, do you remember me,
“I was told that you are from Adolfo’s wife, lady Zity, who seem to my wife acquaintance, you are lady Zity’s personal maid…or is there any other thing you want me to know
“You are absolutely correct, I’m also the slave girl you bought for forty shelling and sold for fifteen shelling because your wife didn’t want me, my head was bared, my hair was all shaved off and was wrapped with a turban and I told you then I was a Christi..an and you warned me never to say that to any one because it was forbidden in the land..
“oh the gods be praise, I remember everything, you have grown out with so much changes, you look different, I know is being years, I’m glad you were under a good household, Lord Reese, the second prime ruler of the kingdom is a good man, and being his daughter personal maid is a good credit, is because they found you worthy, I’m please to meet you again, please sit with me, my wife is on one of her unknown journey and won’t be back soon, I try not to worry of her in and out anymore, you came at the right time, what is your name again…
“Tamar, my lord, I’m glad to see you again, back then you told me that you are praying for a child, hope your prayers have being granted now
“not at all, the gods seem silent to my cry, and I guess Okra, my wife is also tired of the whole thing, that is why she is misbehaving, she doesn’t even allow me to touch her anymore because she thinks is a waste of time, she wanted to end the marriage but I pleaded with her not to leave me, I love my wife so much and i don’t want her to go, but she is insisting and I have not stop pleading, nobody knows the ways of the gods, Tamar, I wasn’t asking for too much one child was okay for me, I even suggest to my wife for us to go and take up one of the homeless children and call him or her ours but she warned me never to mention such again to her and I never did, how can you love somebody and still hates the person at same time, that’s the way I feel for Okra, I have try to accept my fate, if she wants to leave then let her go ahead, I will learn to be fine, she gives me too much trouble, she even has the boldness to tell me she was seeing another man of which i doubted and threaten to deal with any man I see close to her, but with the recent happening, her constant travelling which she doesn’t hide any more, I have learnt to just live everyday at a time, Okra is difficult to deal with and is sad to say that she may be a bad influence on Adolfo’s young wife, she may brainwash her and make her do her bidding that’s how commanding Okra can be…so tell me Tamar, what god do you worship now, I know you can’t still be a Christian
“well, I am, no other god like my God, I am exactly where god want me to be, my lord, with all due respect, nothing and no one can change that, you wanted me to worship lucrus, the god of fertility back then when I told you my faith, you shun me and asked me never to mention it again because is forbidden, and I even accepted whatever god you wanted me to worship so that I can have a roof over my head and food in my plate, but God has a better plan, by making your wife not to want me and when you sold me to Abel that young man that day, my faith was restored, and I’m stronger than I use to be, and nothing can change that, you have tried different gods, and yet you still feel empty, is because this gods can not offer you anything, they can only take from you but can’t give you the peace you seek, with so many god and goddess of this land yet the people in it are looking so helpless, there’s peace and liberty with my God, he gives it out abundantly to his children and those whose heart are pure…do you wonder why this kingdom hates Christian because they are afraid of their God, no one can contend with him, because him alone is almighty, and this people think by destroying God’s people they will become stronger or make mockery of God, they tried to wipe us out but we are like a seed we kept on multiplying…
“what a boldness, hmmm, you seem unafraid of anything, I know there was something special about you that day for me to have spent forty shelling for one slave, it was crazy yet I didn’t feel bad about it, neither did I tell anybody, not even my wife, I wouldn’t want you to die in the hands of this people who hates your kind, be careful, my wife, Okra, doesn’t like Christian, she hates them, but you act like an elder, I will not talk you out of your belief and my wife will never know of this but still be careful Tamar, I don’t know the plan your god has for you because he has lead me to buy you that day from the slave market and has already led me to meeting the boy I sold you back to, which was a great lost to me as a merchant who like making gain but I never counted on the lost rather I was glad you are safe. And I silently pray to the gods to protect you, I have not really paid much attention to a slave but you caught my attention Tamar, so just be careful in all your dealing so that this people will not cut your life shut, I’m glad you are well and may your God continue to protect you…
“Amen, Lord Lami, very soon and I mean soon, you will smile again, do not worry, everything will be alright. I will always pray for you, nothing can the enemy do to hurt you, I will be careful like I have always being, thank you for your time, let me be on my way now.
He nodded as I left, I walked out and report back to Zity that the merchant’s wife has already gone on her journey. Before I left for Lord Reese estate, I checked up on Adolfo the following day who has returned to his study
“I’m glad you are better now my lord, I was worried about you..
“I’m glad to see and hear that somebody really cares for me, thank you Tamar, I will be fine, I have not seeing Zity since after the birth and I know she doesn’t want to see me, I have come in term with that fact, I’m not going to ever force her, love suppose to come natural, what I still don’t understand is why my late wife gave me that message in my dream that she will lead me to the way, Zity has not lead me to anything except sadness and more loneliness, I have given chance hoping she will come around but I’m ready to let her go, I want her to be happy she can’t live the rest of her young life feeling sad and hating me, she is beautiful and ,many young men of her age will die to have her, I’m ready to call off this marriage Tamar, what do you think…
“do whatever you think is right my Lord, I’m glad you made that choice of letting Zity go, it will be better that way, you two can’t keep being sad, is not right, this is not how marriage suppose to be, Zity may not be the actual person that will lead you to the way that your late wife spoke about, but the person is going to come through her, and Zity has played her role in that aspect, now let the seed germinate and let it grow
“You are young and wise Tamar, you are more of a great companion to be than Zity ever was, and I will miss you when I finally let Zity free, I will miss you greatly,
“I will miss you too my lord, I will be going back to Lord Reese, he is ill, and Lady Phin needs help, so I want to go and help out in any way I can, I will assign Eura for you, anytime you need somebody to talk to, please kindly call on Eura, she will be a great companion to you just as I have being, I have trained her in the right way, she will gladden your heart with many philosophy, someday you will smile again and all your worries will be forgotten
Adolfo took my hands and squeezed it gently with a smile
“I don’t know the god you serve, I don’t serve any, I only have time for my studies, and pray to the general gods like a normal person does, but you make me want to know who you are and what god you serve, I’m grateful for the time you spent with me, and amy your God bless you greatly Tamar, and may Lord Reese gets well soon. Eura, I have seen you and her together in the garden and I will be glad to have somebody like you close to me, you are a wise child, your kindness will pave way for you Tamar. If you ever need anything tell me and it will be yours
I smiled and thanked him, and I thought of the baby and Rhonda, I will find away to get money across Rhonda, maybe from Abel, as I was about to leave, Adolfo gave me money to buy something for myself, and I thanked him, when I took it to my room and counted the money it was one hundred and fifty shelling, it was huge, and I felt relief, because I will first of all journey to see Rhonda before going home.
I talked to Eura that night and told her not to be afraid to tell Adolfo about Christ, but first of all let her behavior, her character make way for her, people needs to see the kind of person she is first and the kind of life she lives for them to be convinced enough to follow her and She listened.
Eura hearkened to my voice, I hugged her the following morning and went to Zity who bid me farewell, I thanked Lami, Adolfo’s boy for all his kindness, and I promised to return once everything is settled, I left but not home straight I went to see Rhonda and to check how the baby was doing. I bought somethings with the money Adolfo gave me and I will give her enough money for the baby’s upkeep, she must not depend on the midwife or her little trade to feed herself, the twin girls and Zity’s son.
I journeyed to Rhonda, following all the road me and the midwife passed that night, until I got there, she was happy to see me like I was to see her, Zity’s son was feeding in her arms, and the twins were helping her to sell her off her small trade so that they can have food to eat, I brought out all the things I bought for them and she was really happy. I got to know that her husband was a Christian before he died.
I was glad that God led us to Rhonda that night, she will bring the children in her care up in the ways of the Lord, not the ways of the pagan gods of the land.
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